i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sober January is a disaster.
I love having hate sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
