All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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