This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
