it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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