we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
