You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
