I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
