he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
