what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
