you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I am naked and annoyed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
