Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
love makes seman taste better
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
