He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
