Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
