wanna go halves on a baby?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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