Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
