Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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