I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
