I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
