i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
