I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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