I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
