NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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