i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
