Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
