this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
