I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
