I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
