what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
