did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
