Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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