two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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