my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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