Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
