My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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