you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
