either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
