mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hippo gnu deer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
