I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
