I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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