Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard