I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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