So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment