Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

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(205): View more from Alabama

Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

(1-205): View more from Alabama

You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

(205): View more from Alabama

This explains so much.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(205): View more from Alabama

Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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(770): View more from Georgia

his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

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(613): View more from Ontario

You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Why does my car smell like burnt toast?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...

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