dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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