I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..