Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
