Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
