you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
