my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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