____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
