Got a toothbrush?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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