sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
