Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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