Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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