Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
