you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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