girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
