I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
