there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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