I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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