Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
