Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
