Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
