You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pooping to opera.
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