Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
