So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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