Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
