my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
