I will die if light touches me.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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