Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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