On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
