i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
