just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
