Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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