Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize