Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
