I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
