Betty ford says i'm here all night
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
