the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
