If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
