She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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