I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
