If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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