I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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