someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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