Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
